I'm paying you to do WHAT????

It's one thing to pay for a day at the spa.  To be pampered.  A facial, massage (yes, please), manicure, pedicure, and whatever else they offer. (I only know about such places because of t.v.)

I used to think I wouldn't really enjoy such a thing as I don't really like to be touched and I couldn't justify paying that kind of $$$$....  BUT my family bought me a one hour massage and I LOVED it.  Which really surprised me.  So maybe a day at a spa would be enjoyable?  (mother's day is coming up, hint,hint)

A pampering expense is understandable but to PAY to have this done to you is crazy!

My first such experience was 2 years ago.  I had delayed torture  the experience for several years because of the horror stories I heard about them.  I'm not really sure when I changed my mind.  It had something to do with another major health event that rocked my world.  So the next time I saw that wonderful gyno doc and he suggested, yet again, that I succumb to torture screening, I gave in.  

I won't go into details of that first experience.  If you've ever seen Anita Renfroe's comedy routine about this "exam", then you've got yourself a comical picture that will help you through  it.  That's all I thought about while being twisted, squished and moved into positions I never knew I could physically do.  I'm sure the tech thought I was nuts as I succumbed to her manipulations with a grin.

A day later a phone call, "We found something, you need to come back for an ultra sound" 
"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"  as terror started to take over! 

"Can you come in Friday?" (two days from now)  "We take these things seriously"

All that came to my mind was "early detection saves lives"

So two days later I'm back....they are all smiles and  considerate and kind and I'm like:  "cut it out (no pun intended), stop being so nice...I AM NOT DYING!"

Ultrasound done, read and it "looks" like it's just a benign mass, nothing to worry about, BUT we want to watch it so come back in 6 months!
 I was given the "medical term", went home--googled it and learned all I could about it. (knowledge is power, or just something that freaks you out more!, you choose)

Two years---4 more visits later I am released with a " Good news, it has not changed one bit in 2 years, you should be all set.  Just continue your annual screening"

Continue my annual screening.....come back to be squished, prodded, poked and humiliated?  

You betcha......see ya next year!


  1. Loved this! You are SUCH a good writer..that even if I didn't know you personally...I would and could still identify with your writing and "personality" that comes across...but since I do know you personally..I can actually hear your voice as I read this! LOL Love you! You're a blessing! Love, Lori :-)

  2. I love the picture that you included with this post! So funny!! I've been watching a benign calcification for nearly 2 years. It scared me to death when they told me! Not a fun experience...

  3. Love this article! :)

  4. hahahahahahahahahaha...you write so well...I sympathize with you because of the few times I've endured the "torture" chamber! Now I'm so old, who cares, so no more squishing them flat as a pancake. In fact, I haven't been to a doctor for ME in over 5 years...I see enough of them every week as it is...no need to see more.
    Love ya...yer ma

  5. @lpb59Thanks Lori!
    I am having fun with this blog, that's for sure ;)

  6. @KathyI wanted to put a different picture but was afraid it may "offend" some people. Let's just say it was a picture of a man in front of a 'manogram' with the caption "If women controlled the medical tests".
    Yes, it is very scary, but better to know than not

  7. @GraceThank you. I had fun writing it, but not necessarily experiencing it

  8. @June
    You've definitely had enough visits to doctors! So glad you don't have to go for both of you!


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