An a-ha moment

I had an a-ha moment last night while watching a Hallmark movie...yea, I know how lame!  

The story was about a newly divorced mom and her son.  They recently moved cross-country and the son was lonely because he had no friends and an un-involved father.   For a school project he wrote to a soldier who wrote back and they developed a relationship.  (I bet you can guess where this is going...it's a Hallmark movie after-all)  Yes, the mom and soldier fall in love while he is home on furlough.  When it is time for him to be deployed, they decide to break-up...but both are miserable and miss each other terribly.  So the son says to his mom, "If you didn't break up do you think you would miss him as much".  The mom replies, "No, because I know he would be coming back to us."

That's when it hit me!  I've been wondering why I miss my dad so very much and think of him all. of. the. time.  It's not like I would be seeing him or even talking with him much.  He would be in Florida.  I may call and talk to him two or three times until he would return in the summer.  I now realize why I miss him so much because deep down I realize he will not be coming back to me.  EVER! 

This may seem obvious, but I really hadn't 'gotten' it yet....

My dad will NOT walk into my house next summer.

I won't ever hear him say "come back when you can't stay" again.

Or shake my head when he purposely mispronounces words like knife

We won't play cribbage together

I won't be able to count how many times he says "Lord" while he's praying.

Or hear his singing in church

Sit on the lawn looking at the clouds to find objects they form

Watch football with him

I will never hug him again and say "I love you dad" and hear "I love you too honey"

Time be thankful for all those times I did have these things.  Treasure the memories, the good and the bad as they both were part of who we were together.


If your dad is still with you, tell him how much he means to you.  I'm thankful I was able to do this a week before my dad died.  For a few moments he was lucid enough to talk with me over the phone.  We shared our final "I love you's, I'll miss you".  I think I knew that would be the last time I would hear his voice......